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I've come to a few conclusions on my 2nd official day of vacation and 4th day off in a row.

1. I like Cutie a lot. Really, that's putting it mildly.

2. I need to drink less coffee, but it's unlikely I will.

3. The Flaming Lips are the bestest band ever and when I think about seeing them in Sept. I feel almost as squishy as I do when I think about Cutie.

4. I'm tired of my back hurting. It has been hurting continuously for the last year with a one-month break where I went to acupuncture twice a week. It is time for me to fix it. I'm tired of wincing every time I stand up or sit down or get out of bed. I'm 30 for christsakes. Not 75.

5. I miss the following: Elizabeth, Steph, printmaking, triathaleteing. I plan to see all of these things before the year is over.

6. I need to put more money into my "Japan" savings account and I need to figure out what's happening with my retirement account.

7. There is no effective way to clean up a lot of spilled sugar.

8. It's important to never stop visualizing the future.

9. I may not be totally convinced that I don't want babies.
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UGH. I am SO full. I stuffed myself with a burrito followed by Lemon Custard ice cream. Lemon Custard ice cream or LCIC for short, is one of the finest things on the planet and I recommend you get yourself a pint ASAP. Be prepared to buy new pants because it will make you fat. LCIC is hard to find.

I feel like all I've been doing lately is eating. Eating, eating, and more eating. Which probably explains why I feel really FAT. I don't think I am fat, or have really gained much perceptible weight, I just FEEL fat. I was feeling really bad about all this eating and then I realized the reason I'm eating so much is because I'm tired. When I'm really tired I'm always looking for something to make myself feel better and food temporarily makes me feel better. I haven't had a good nights sleep in 3 or 4 nights and if I don't get one tonight I think I might die a little bit.

If it was a possibility (other than the whole immaculate conception thing...."hey guess what mom? Jesus is getting a sibling!"), I might think I was pregnant. My gut feels bigger, I'm really tired, and I'm eating all the time. However, I don't think it's possible unless Cutie has something she needs to tell me.

The fourth of July was interesting. I spent it at Cutie's house with her family, and it was more relaxing and enjoyable than when I went there for dinner. I think her family might like me, but it's hard to tell. Her sister's are just kids really - they're 16 and 18, her dad is sort of spacey (but really nice and dad-like) and her stepmom wasn't there yesterday. Her stepmom worries me the most. Despite the fact that Cutie says she liked me after we all had dinner, I felt like she was suspicious of me.

I have the week of the 16th-20th off. That would be NINE DAYS TOTAL FREE FROM WORK. I cannot tell you how excited this makes me. I actually teared up a little bit.
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I woke up feeling extremely overheated in Cutie's bed this morning. Last night she brought one of her family's cats (I think they have five, I'm not sure) to live with her. The cat has four names - Kiki, Connie, Twiggy, Psyche, and I call her Pippen. Don't ask me why. She's a an incredibly sweet and sociable cat and seems to enjoy humans and not other cats. She slept on us the entire night. So I woke up with Cutie - the human radiator next me, a thick comforter, and K/C/T/P on me. It was too hot.

The weather is being weird too. It's hot out, maybe 80 degrees and muggy. It is also overcast. I feel like the only thing that sounds good is swimming outside. My head feels fuzzy and foggy and sort of confused. I feel this sort of strange heaviness that I've felt off and on lately. I feel like for the most part, this is a happy and positive time in my life (despite feeling weird today). I feel like I've made choices that have been good for me and needed to happen. Unfortunately, it doesn't always coincide with happy times in everyone else's life. I don't expect that everyone in my life has the same mind-frame that I do right now, but I DO expect that I'm not punished for it. I should be able to talk about what makes me happy and excited to be living without having some sort of negative ick pushed back on me.
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Today was my first day at my new job. All in all, it was a good day. I was tired all day which didn't help my comprehension at all. I forgot how exhausting starting a new job is. All that remembering. There is so much new information. It's ALL important too. In general, things are MUCH calmer, quieter, and kinder. I can just tell the stress level is different. The stress is more of an academic -'striving for success and perfection' than blaming type stress of working in a clinical setting. I feel like I will want to be successful in my new job because I feel like the study is important. Whereas in my old job, I had no real motivation to do a good job (even though I DID do an excellent job) because there was no positive feedback (EVER) and there was no reward for doing a good job. I never got to see the outcome for the patient, or hear what a positive experience it was for them.

It's so hard to tell from my first day how things will go. I work with mostly women still, but they are a different kind of women. I am the "baby" of the group which I can tell is going to make them all mother me. Including my boss. I suppose that's fine. It's a constant theme in my life and I'm used to it. Yes, I wear a helmet when I bike. Yesssss, I always wear sunscreen. Yessss, I brought a lunch to work.

I met the principal research scientist today and liked him immediately which is a good sign. My boss had nothing but gushing things to say about him, which is refreshing. She said he's the nicest scientist she's met, so I'm relieved. He said he was impressed with my resume. Well, la-te-daa to that. So am I.

Cutie came over last night kind of late and was both exhausted and hungry I could tell. I fed her quesadillas with peppers and onions, nudged her into the shower and tucked her into my bed. I guess I kind of like to mother people too. I can't help it. I was trained that way.

I'm glad tomorrow is Friday. This week has been exhausting. I highly recommend not starting a new job in the middle of the week with no break from your old job. Bad idea.
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I have two days left in my current job. It's still kind of hard to believe. I feel exhausted when I think about the fact that I'm again starting another new job. You know how some people bounce around from relationship to relationship? That's how I am with jobs apparently. I'd rather it was my job than my relationships.

The temp and I ran out of stuff to do today and the last half hour was agonizingly boring. I sent out a call for help asking for work from anyone and everyone tomorrow. Unfortunately we are strongly discouraged from surfing the web when there's nothing to do, but instead are expected to continuously ask our coworkers for work to do, to the point at which it becomes annoying to them. Reason number 980981239021398 that I'm glad to be leaving.

Big BIG boss also asked for 10 minutes of my time today. She wants to speak to me before I leave. I can only imagine what that's about. I'm already dreading it. I will only be honest with her. Definitely not mean, or angry, but honest. Hopefully she just wants to know why I'm leaving.

This weekend was FANNNNNTASTIC. Not only was Cutie home from NY, but it was pride weekend. Unfortunately, she got really sick on Saturday (food poisoning), so we spent a lot of time lying around with me scratching her head and fetching glasses of water and Milk of Magnesia. She felt much better by Saturday night, but by then we were zonked out and didn't get to do any of the party-partying. It was OK because we still made it to the parade on Sunday. I feel like the parade was kind of a letdown. It felt too big, along too much of a stretch. I didn't feel that usualy camaraderie that happens at pride. I guess there's something missing by not having it on Broadway. I know there are many more reasons to NOT have it on Broadway, but it felt a little sad and lonely. It was strange to have all these tourists walking by who have no idea what is going on. It was also COLD. I'm used to being a little sunburned and a little drunk at pride. I also confess I was wondering where all of my friends were.

I think I'm a little stressed about starting my new job on Thursday. I KNOW I am actually. I've had a headache all day and I had one all day on Friday until exactly 5:01pm. I think I'll feel better once I get through Wednesday and am done with training the temp and stressing out about finding stuff for her to do all day. That's actually far more stressful.

Cutie lowers my blood pressure. If I just think of her, I feel better.
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Today was a better day!

I ended up swimming last night. I didn't go to Masters practice because I got chicken, but I swam at the gym instead. I didn't feel pukey either! (last time the constant wake from their shitty lane lines made me sick) I realized I have a bit of work to do before I'll feel comfortable going to a masters practice. I know how those workouts go. When I swam on the UW Masters team they killed me. Every practice. Given, I was also biking and running and weight training. They do take those practices seriously. They are not unlike my college swim practices where I was burning so many calories I might as well have been eating some Gu while in the pool.

We were moderately busy most of the day at work, until 3:30 when we ran out of stuff to do. I had to get creative in the afternoon and we ended up helping out some other people. I felt really bad because the poor temp looked so bored beyond belief. I was bored just hearing myself talk. I HOPE tomorrow will be busier, but I doubt it. Today I had two interactions in the office that reminded me why it's a GOOD thing that I'm moving on.

Tonight I'm going for a run (my first in MONTHS). Just a shortie. Maybe 15 minutes or less. I know exactly what's happening. I'm slowly training for a triathlon. It's like a DISEASE. I can't stop. I just want to do one. Just one in the fall. I'm sick of the gym so automatically my brain starts thinking of activities outside the gym that might entertain me and of course they are - swimming, biking and running.

I have one load in the washer and I might try and do another if Irritating Hippie Guy isn't waiting there with a load when I get downstairs. After all that I'm having a beer and some dinner. I feel like I deserve a beer or two.

MOST IMPORTANTLY, Cutie comes home tomorrow. I pick her up in the evening. Can. Not. Wait.
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Don't you love it when this happens? )

Today was kind of a blah day. I haven't had a blah day in awhile so I guess I'm overdue. I feel especially fat right now since Gym and I had our big breakup. I'm thinking about going tomorrow morning. I think part of the reason I feel so blah is that my exercise regimen is all screwy since I started dating Cutie. I think I need to start going to the gym more regularly until I get this whole swim team thing sorted out.

My boss emailed me to tell me that they have a temp coming on Wednesday to replace me. I guess I'm training her for a week. I feel like this is too long and I surely will go crazy near the end. I just REALLY hope she's tolerable unlike the last temp we had come in. I hope my last week at my job isn't miserable.

I did have a nice walk home from work today. Walking home from work is really one of the highlights of my days these days. It has been since college that I've been able to walk to and from work. I love putting my ipod on and walking out the door. It's really enjoyable and it's at least two miles a day that I'm walking. Even if I don't have time for the gym at least I'm doing that. I guess I walk about 2 times a week and bike the other days.

I also made myself a nice yummy lunch for tomorrow. I'm having an egg salad sandwich and a salad with mixed greens, cucumber, carrot, peppers, and cheese. Oh, and Goddess Dressing of COURSE.

Cutie text messaged me to tell me that she got to hold hands with Amanda Palmer at the True Colors concer today. :/ It's allowable since she's on "the list". My list includes such famous people as - Tilda Swinton, Carrie Brownstein, Wayne Coyne to name a few.
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My Aunt Dede passed away this afternoon after a long sickness. Dede was my favorite Aunt. Dede was like a second mom growing up. I don't know what else to say because I think part of the grief is delayed for me. It tends to hit me all at once, or later on unexpectedly while I'm doing something mundane like laundry or grocery shopping.

I would rather tell a short fond memory I have of Dede.

As a kid I was not allowed to have sugar. I'm not sure I've blogged about it before, but I wasn't allowed ANY. It turned me into a monstrous brat. So I had to get it however I could. Sometimes it was contraband sugar. Mom was the major enforcer in the no-sugar ban, but my sisters were supportive of it as well since they knew what happened if I had any. Usually I had to coerce other extended family members into sneaking me some here or there. I was mostly unsuccessful.

One very hot Oklahoma summer day the family had stopped at the K-Mart for treats. Everyone went in and I stayed in the car with a sister. I think I must have been about four. Dede came back to the car and my sister went in. When Dede got in the car she had this mischievous look on her face and held up a mini grape Tootsie Roll Pop. She unwrapped it, handed it to me., and told me to eat it fast. Of course, I wasn't a stupid kid, so I chomped the HELL out of that thing. I had eaten about half of it when everyone got back to the car and no one noticed (which looking back is kind of remarkable). Then for some stupid reason I announced that Dede had given me a Tootsie Roll Pop. Mom got SO MAD and grabbed it out of my hand. Dede looked at me with a look of death and did her famous bite-her-knuckle and grumble at whichever kid pissed her off routine. Honestly, I'm surprised she didn't give me a backhand smack. I knew I was in trouble and that it was the last time she snuck me sugar.

I've had a pretty quiet weekend. On Friday I went to see Sky Cries Mary with friends and the gf. Saturday I helped my sister and BIL do some packing for their upcoming move. Saturday night I stayed at the gf's because I had to drive her to the airport at 6 am this morning for her trip to NY. (ugh and double ugh) Then I came home and took at two-hour power nap. (I think we slept about four hours total last night, she didn't pack until the last LAST minute)

After I got myself BACK out of bed again I met up with Lewis and Michele who took me kayaking at the Mercer Slough. I think we saw 100 baby ducks. God, they were so cute. So small and fluffy. I couldn't decide whether I wanted to squish one or stuff one in my mouth. Both options are inappropriate. It was quite fun and I realized on this trip that I do love being on the water. It was a good activity for me right now with my STUPID KNEE. It does feel a little better. Michele showed me some stretches and agreed that it's probably tendinitis. I think she's an expert after her knee issues. It was really nice of them to take me. They could have kayaked laps around me with the pace I kept.

I suppose it wasn't really a quiet weekend. I feel tired and cranky and I miss the gf already. She'll be back Friday. I need to stop whining.

Also, I had three bubble teas this weekend. Mango, coconut and taro. I need help.
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I went to my sister's house today to help them do some packing. I'm not sure how helpful I was with my bum knee, but I tried. I mostly packed up their dvds, vhs tapes, and cds. I plan on going back to help more next weekend, because they NEED help. I wish we didn't live so far apart. I HATE living 40 minutes from them. It could be worse. I know. I could live in another state.

I discovered while I was there that they are planning to take one of their cats to PAWS before they move. She has not been completely happy while she has lived with them. She's stressed out and she doesn't like all the activity and the kids running around etc.. I understand her perspective and I think I understand theirs. So my dilemma is - Do I take her? I think it's about time for me to consider getting a cat again and she's pretty amazing. She's beautiful and sweet and mellow. She's also fairly young and she likes to play. Her only problem has been peeing. I think the peeing has been a response to stressful and noisy situations around her. I'm not going to lie - I'm nervous about bringing her into my pristine perfect little apartment and having her piss all over everything. I highly doubt that would happen, and she hasn't had an "accident" for months, but I'm thinking about it. I also worry that this is one more huge change in my life after three big ones in a row. One of which hasn't really taken place yet (starting my job). Would that be too much? I feel like it would be a happy change. All of the changes so far have felt positive and happy.

Have to think about it some more.

I'm going to check out the Masters swim team on the hill this week. I'm nervous since I'm in horrible swimming shape and I don't know if it's even realistic while my knee is hurting. If my knee is hurting at all I really think it's stupid to think I could swim. I want to at least meet the coach and check out the pool. I miss swimming and I'm soooo sick of the gym. Obviously biking and running aren't an option until this whole thing is fixed.

Cutie leaves for NY at 6am tomorrow. I'm sooooo bummed. I'll make it's a week. I'll try not to be a baby about it.
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I've done something BAD to my knee. It started out very suddenly. I biked home from work on Monday or Tuesday and when I got home, my knee was really hurting. Mostly when I went from sitting to standing. It has gotten progressively worse all week. This morning I woke up and was limping. Not good. I think it might be from biking. I don't know what has caused it though. I'm not sure if it's some sort of acute thing or if it has been building up over time. I have had a slight pain in this knee before but not like this. Cutie thinks I should lay off the biking for awhile. NO BIKING? I don't know if I can do it. On the other hand, I don't even know if I could actually bike anywhere the pain is so bad. I told her I'd go to the doctor if it still hurts when she gets back from NY. I don't know ANYTHING about knee injuries as mine have always been reliable. I typically get back and shoulder stuff. I feel old and crotchety this morning.

Yes, Cutie is going out of town. I think I might quite possibly die. I'm sure I will knock her over with a tackle when she returns but WAH. She will be in NY for a week starting tomorrow morning. I really won't get to see much of her today either because we both have other obligations today.

I have been irritable the past two days. Irritable beyond belief. I think it's delayed PMS because I thought I was going to freak-out at work yesterday. I kept trying to get caught up and everytime I saw the pile getting smaller someone would come and drop off more work. It was like that cartoon with the worker buried beneath papers at their desk. I completely snapped at one of my coworkers and then promptly apologized, but part of me still feels like she had it coming. You just don't bring someone a STAT request at 4:50 on a Friday afternoon. IT IS NOT DONE.
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I'm really getting excited to start my new job. Today I overheard a conversation in my office that made me roll my eyes so hard they almost got stuck. I'm pretty bored with the work. I guess that's a sign that it's time. I will miss my cubemates a lot. I'll still see them several times a week, but that's not the same as rolling my chair over to say hi or share candy.

In my new job I will get to work with men again. I've kind of missed working with men. I will also work FOR a couple of men. It's not that I mind working with an entire female staff, I just feel like there's more drama than there needs to be at times. (and I'm not saying I'm not part of the drama). I just think it's good to have a balance between the genders. When I worked at both of my lab jobs I worked with some great guys. I miss those guys sometimes.

Tonight's agenda includes laundry, cleaning, cooking and everything else that doesn't get done when I'm with Cutie. I tried to do laundry at her house but I realized that half of my clothes are hang-dry only and it's just a pain in the arse. I'd rather do it somewhere that I leave them to hang for awhile. Besides, I'm sure she doesn't want my biking shorts draped all over her house.

I'm thinking that I might do something radical with my new pay raise. I might not spend the extra money at all. I don't know. It's going to be hard. What I'm thinking is I might just keep living in the same manner, with the same budget, but put the extra funds straight to my debt and help pay it off even quicker. I think that's the smart thing to do. I try and be a responsible adult sometimes...

Last night Cutie took me to The Melting Pot to celebrate my new job. I haven't been in two years or so. I'm not crazy about anything there, EXCEPT the fondue. Which is the whole point. It's like The Olive Garden of fondue, but it's GOOD. It was dangerous the two of us with fondue forks trying to share. Two frantic cheese lovers sharing boiling hot cheese is intense. There was some competition at the end, but she let me have the last bite. Of BOTH the cheese fondue and the chocolate. She's so sweet it hurts.
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I finally saw my GP today about the suspicious spot on my shoulder and she seemed only mildly concerned, which is a huge relief. She gave me the choice of biopsying it today or waiting another very watchful 2-3 months to see if it changes. I decided to wait on it. Especially since I've got someone else who can regularly check it for me too. ;) I'm not a fan of the punch biopsy. It's really painful, despite what anyone says. The location of this spot (right on the back of my shoulder bone) would cause for slow healing and a lot of pain. I'm going to try and manifest it into a normal mole.

I have a cold. A mild one, but it's annoying enough to make me ultra-crabby at work. Everyone was annoying me this afternoon. I felt like the all waited until 2:30 to ask for what they needed. And they needed it RIGHT NOW.

I had a peanut butter banana smoothie at lunch which temporarily calmed me, but then I was cranky once I got back to the office again. I highly recommend the peanut butter banana smoothie at World Wrapps if you ever go there. I know, it doesn't sound good, but if you like peanut butter...

I'm going to take a nice long bubbly bubble bath. Then I'm going to eat a big burrito with black beans, rice, cheese, salsa, onions, lettuce, and sour cream. My stomach is fine fortunately. Then I'm going to read my book, write in my journal and generally do nothing.

I don't think I'll see the gf tonight. I need at least one night off here or there. It's completely tempting to invite her over, and I know she'll say yes. And she might even be in my neighborhood tonight, but I feel like I should resist. If she comes over I'll end up horizontal, but not resting. I need to rest.
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UGH.

For some reason, my apartment STINKS. I mean really stinks. It smells like a dumpster in here. I find it very alarming. I can't find the source of the stench either. The trash and recycling are clean the kitchen sink only has two rinsed dishes in it. I really don't want anyone to come over until I find out what's causing the smell. It almost smells like dead animal which is completely revolting. I hope someone didn't die in my building. *shudder*

I briefly had plans to meet with a friend tonight but that bombed out. Too bad. Later this week though. Hopefully. Maybe.

In addition to my apartment stinking, I stink too. I just did another hour long spinning class. I've been eating a lot of non-nutritious food in large quantities lately. I've got to be careful. I just lost about 10 pounds in the last two months and I'd be so crabby to gain it back.

I won't see NSF until tomorrow night. That's two whole nights apart. I think by tomorrow afternoon I'm going to be antsy and cranky, which is kind of a good feeling. A sort of bouncy, hyper-excited to see my new girlfriend feeling.
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I'm melting....melllllllllllllllting. It's so hot. I've had enough. It can go back below 80 now thankyouverymuch. Blech. I can't deal. I think I'd be OK with it, but for some reason today I'm also have this really weird lightheaded feeling too. It only seems to happen when I go from sitting/lying to standing. This is not unusual for me, but it's pretty extreme today. I think it's the combination of allergy medication, coffee (lots of coffee), and heat that's making me feel this way. I'd really like to go to the grocery store and do laundry but I keep feeling really weak. I ate a sandwich and had about a gallon of water. Hopefully that will help?

It has been a marvelous weekend with NSF. I think I feel safe calling her my girlfriend now. I like that when I've been with her for awhile I have this longing sort of feeling when we part company. Not in a bad codependent way, just this sort of satisfied feeling that I'll see her again soon and I'll probably swoon again.

We spent a little bit of time in Georgetown which makes me really happy. I've only spent a teeny amount of time in Georgetown before but now I have a reason to go there since she lives pretty close. Part of me likes that she lives 15 minutes away because it's an excuse to get off of The Big Gay Hill. It also keeps us from spending every waking moment together which is bad for me in relationships. It kills it for me FAST. I desperately need to have my alone time. In part for me, but also to think about her and to think about us.

I'm not crazy about the idea of working tomorrow and I'm also not crazy that my momma has to fly to Oklahoma early tomorrow morning. My aunt is not doing well at all. She's very sick and I think it's close to her time to say goodbye. She has been sick for so long. So uncomfortable for so long.
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Can I tell you what a joy my life is right now? I wake up in the morning with a smile on my face. (okay maybe it's not a full smile until I've had my coffee) Whether I'm alone or not. I know part of it is have this NSF in my life, but even before I met NSF I felt like my life was going in the right direction. Sunday will be four weeks since our first date. Uh-mazing. I don't know what else to say about it. She's amazing. It's all still so very much in it's infancy, but I feel a sense that this is not a short-term thing. Only time will tell.

I'm enjoying my new apartment as well. I have been here for about a month and a half and it feels more like home. I think the house I grew-up in will always be my true "home", but as I get older (and yes this is corny) I find that home really is in your heart.

Next goals:

1. Take better care of my friend at work. This is a person who needs my friendship (and I feel like I need hers, I certainly enjoy hers) Right before I met NSF we were starting to develop a non-work bond. She is depressed off and on and very alone. I feel like I should nurture our friendship more. I have the strength to do it now, whereas before I moved I didn't have it so much.

2. Continue to manifest that perfect job.
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I tried to go for a bike ride tonight. I haven't ridden Ruby, my zippy racing bike in awhile. I honestly don't think I've ridden that bike since last October. I've just been riding my beater bike to work and back. I forgot that there's actual SKILL involved in riding Ruby. Clipping and unclipping myself from the pedals, shifting without messing up the gears, and braking without killing myself. I picked an annoying time of day and a bad route for a bike ride. There was a ton of traffic, pedestrians, and other bikers. Lame ass hipster bikers on single tracks with no helmet and no ability to climb a hill to save their life. I know it's REALLY HARD to unclip while you're at a red light, but if circling around and balancing yourself on your bike is going to endanger me; then you should consider putting one foot down. Stupid hipster bikers.

I have not been to the gym in two weeks. Maybe once. It's time to get back there. That's a LONG TIME for me. I'm starting to feel really antsy. My schedule has changed though. I've decided I can't do the early morning thing through the summer. I'm not sure if I will take a break from the gym to do masters swimming or not. It's about the same price as the gym, but I kind of want to have the option of both. Decisions, decisions...

I also need to find a better bike route off of The Big Gay Hill for long bike rides.

I have a recruiter at work helping me to find a new position at work. I am really excited about the possibilities. I've been thinking about exactly what I'd like to do. I tried to verbalize it all in an email. She asked me what I was ideally looking for and I was really honest. I only put in one sentence about what I don't want. I try to stay away from saying what I don't want.

Someday maybe NSF will go for a bike ride with me. I think she's scared to bike with me. Everyone is scared to bike with me. I'm really not that fast. Really.
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I just had the BEST NAP EVER. I know, I'm always saying that. But seriously. This was a great nap. I biked home from work, drank a big glass of water, cooled off, and then crawled into my bed. I was so tired all day. I was up late last night and even though I can get up at 7:30 and still make to work on time, (heck I could get up at 8 and still make it to work on time); I didn't fall asleep until 2:30 am and woke up at 5 without being able to fall back asleep. I was OK until around lunchtime when the lack of sleep became like a heavy weight I was carrying around.

I napped for a solid 45 minutes and then woke up and hopped out of bed. I feel much better. Less cranky for sure. Of course after being awake for 10 minutes I was ravenous and ate a giant bowl of pasta with peppers, onions, garlic and tofurky sausage. Mmmm. I feel quite good. Quite happy. I'm sure it has a lot to do with NSF. My general state of mind has been great the past two weeks despite the fact that my schedule and my life have been flipped over upside down. When I'm not with her I feel this sweet, happy, bursting at the seams sensation in my heart if I think about her. It makes all of the other activities in my life more enjoyable somehow. I probably won't see her again until later this week or this weekend, but just the idea of it makes me grin from ear to ear.

Everyone was grumpy at work today. MAJORLY grumpy. I was tired as hell but I had a smile on the whole time.
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I do not recommend asian pear bubble tea. Blech. Worst flavor ever. It is overly sweet and peary. Asian pears are supposed to taste light and slightly tart. Not like some sort of sickly sweet syrup.

I woke up this morning thinking about triathlon. Actually it was my third thought. My first was that I'm cooking dinner for a friend tonight and I have to go get some additional food stuffs. Also, I need a new hair dryer after yesterday's explosion. My second thought was that my mother is sending me guilt vibes for not visiting for over two weeks and let me tell you, I'd rather have a wart than mother guilt.

So my third thought was triathlon. Have I hung up my wetsuit for life? I'm starting to miss it. I miss RACING. I miss having legs strong enough to open peanut butter jars with my thighs. But any serious triathlete, or athlete in general will tell you that having a a serious social life is hard, if not impossible, while training. I decided to take the year off from triathlon to focus on other things. Namely, my friends. Also, love. I tried to combine both and the results were disastrous (love and triathlon, not friends and love). I was at my peak level of training during my last relationship (we're talking 8 minute miles and 20% bodyfat, which for me is incredible) and both my training suffered and the relationship died (mostly for other reasons, but the training didn't help). I also wanted to spend more time with my sisters and my family and with nature. Hiking is high on my priorities. Also is seeing so many of those fabulous bands that are coming to town this summer. I missed laughing with my friends in 2006. There wasn't nearly enough it of. I feel like I've had more belly laughs this year because I simply have time for it. I don't know if I can go back to training 15 hours a week. I might have to be one of those "recreational" triathletes.
ladibug21: (Default)
I won a small war at work today. I won't go into specifics, as it's not wise to discuss work too much on the interwebs; but let't just say it was a long war and I came out on top. With respect, which is hard to do.

Suddenly, my life is very busy. This is good because for awhile there it wasn't, and I kind of like to ride the edge of almost too busy. I feel like all of these changes all at once would have been harder for me at a different time in life, but right now I seem to be able to handle it. I'm just trying to tackle one thing at a time. I feel like moving was the hardest thing of all. There's nothing like moving to really shake your world up. I'm the routine queen and when it changes it's hard for me to adjust. I feel like this week my apartment is finally "home". I feel settled here. I'm getting used to biking or walking to work. I'm comfortable with the parking game and I've figured out how to find the good street spots when I move my car. Right now I'm averaging driving someplace once a week.

I'm thinking about dumping the gym. It's a relationship that has staled. It's just gotten really boring. It's so sunny and nice out and I'd so much prefer to save that energy to be outside. All of the walking and biking I've been doing has caused me to drop weight quickly too which makes the gym seem less urgent. I also really miss swimming. There's a masters team up here on the hill that I'm considering. It's 2 or 3 nights a week in the evening. On top of all that I've become more of a late night person (as in going to be at 11, rather than 9...) and getting up at 5:30 for the gym is not sounding so favorable.

So I have a second date with my new friend. I was kind of suspecting that would happen. The chemistry is certainly there. I feel shy saying too much about it. I'm also still in that "vulnerable" stage where it would be too easy to swoon and too easy to shoo it all away. Fortunately, or unfortunately, I don't get to do either. I get to wait and see, and find out how it goes.

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ladibug21

March 2009

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