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Feb. 23rd, 2007 07:01 pmI can't believe I've been at this job for 10 months. I had my review today. I survived, but barely. I have severe-performance review-anxiety. Many years ago (OK 6 years) I had this miserable review at my first job out of college. I was 23 and I graduated with this glorious Bachelor of Science degree and was optimistic that I would find a job in my field (environmental science). When that didn't happen right away, I took a retail job. To anyone on the outside it would appear that if you were going to work in retail - this was the place to do it. It was a "quirky" "funky" "kooky" place to work where you could "be yourself". Except you could only "be yourself" if that meant tattooed with purple hair and a serious smoking and drinking habit. I just didn't fit the description. I distinctly remember the postman coming by to drop off mail one day. He almost never said anything to us and was always very grumpy. On this particular day I just happened to be standing by the front door. He started to hand me the mail and then looked at me with elevator eyes and said "you work here? really? where are your tattoos?" I felt really sad and sorry for myself. Everyone hated me there from the start, so when my review came they laid into me about my bad attitude (which wasn't that bad at all) and my lack of enthusiasm. I quit shortly after and it was not a decision I regret. I got the awesomest job ever at and Environmental company two months later.
Today's review was much different. It was 99.9% positive. It didn't leave me feeling like I'm ready to commit to much more however. I have developed a clear picture in my head of the type of job I want. I've started asking the universe to send me in the right direction. I would like to keep some of the aspects of my current job - independent workload, high responsibility, stable working hours, good benefit, fabulous coworkers. There are other things that I want in addition to all that. I want to LOVE my boss. I want to pass my boss in the hallway and not cringe. I want to feel like it's OK when I get sick and when it snows. I also want to feel like I'm working in a relaxed and laid back environment. I don't mind working hard and I don't mind being busy as long as I get those other things.
Today's review was much different. It was 99.9% positive. It didn't leave me feeling like I'm ready to commit to much more however. I have developed a clear picture in my head of the type of job I want. I've started asking the universe to send me in the right direction. I would like to keep some of the aspects of my current job - independent workload, high responsibility, stable working hours, good benefit, fabulous coworkers. There are other things that I want in addition to all that. I want to LOVE my boss. I want to pass my boss in the hallway and not cringe. I want to feel like it's OK when I get sick and when it snows. I also want to feel like I'm working in a relaxed and laid back environment. I don't mind working hard and I don't mind being busy as long as I get those other things.
