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I have two days left in my current job. It's still kind of hard to believe. I feel exhausted when I think about the fact that I'm again starting another new job. You know how some people bounce around from relationship to relationship? That's how I am with jobs apparently. I'd rather it was my job than my relationships.

The temp and I ran out of stuff to do today and the last half hour was agonizingly boring. I sent out a call for help asking for work from anyone and everyone tomorrow. Unfortunately we are strongly discouraged from surfing the web when there's nothing to do, but instead are expected to continuously ask our coworkers for work to do, to the point at which it becomes annoying to them. Reason number 980981239021398 that I'm glad to be leaving.

Big BIG boss also asked for 10 minutes of my time today. She wants to speak to me before I leave. I can only imagine what that's about. I'm already dreading it. I will only be honest with her. Definitely not mean, or angry, but honest. Hopefully she just wants to know why I'm leaving.

This weekend was FANNNNNTASTIC. Not only was Cutie home from NY, but it was pride weekend. Unfortunately, she got really sick on Saturday (food poisoning), so we spent a lot of time lying around with me scratching her head and fetching glasses of water and Milk of Magnesia. She felt much better by Saturday night, but by then we were zonked out and didn't get to do any of the party-partying. It was OK because we still made it to the parade on Sunday. I feel like the parade was kind of a letdown. It felt too big, along too much of a stretch. I didn't feel that usualy camaraderie that happens at pride. I guess there's something missing by not having it on Broadway. I know there are many more reasons to NOT have it on Broadway, but it felt a little sad and lonely. It was strange to have all these tourists walking by who have no idea what is going on. It was also COLD. I'm used to being a little sunburned and a little drunk at pride. I also confess I was wondering where all of my friends were.

I think I'm a little stressed about starting my new job on Thursday. I KNOW I am actually. I've had a headache all day and I had one all day on Friday until exactly 5:01pm. I think I'll feel better once I get through Wednesday and am done with training the temp and stressing out about finding stuff for her to do all day. That's actually far more stressful.

Cutie lowers my blood pressure. If I just think of her, I feel better.
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I was unpacking the last two boxes last night and finding all kinds of things I had forgotten about. I discovered inside one of my boxes was a pack of photos I haven't looked at in several years. Probably at least 5 years. Included in the photos was a small stack of pictures of my very best friend from childhood - Katie. It will be 10 years since Katie died this August. When she died it was sudden, without warning, and it hit me hard. I had not experienced grief like that yet in my life. I was only 20. When she died I told my mom my biggest fear was that I would forget things, I would forget our stories. Mom's reply was that I would never forget how much I loved her. And she was right. Except that even to this day I remember so many of our misvhievous adventures. But mostly I just remember lots and lots of laughing. One of the pictures was taken a month before she died at Seattle's Pride festival. It's Katie, Brian, Brian's boyfriend, and me. (Brian has also since passed away from cancer) This was the first time Katie and I had ever been to Pride and it was a huge deal for us. I think it was one of the most fun days we had in a long time. Katie was the world's biggest tomboy as children (almost exclusively mistaken for a boy) and came out right about high school graduation time. It was no huge shocker, it was almost more laughable that she had to say it to me out loud. It was more of a "WELL DUH" moment. I think what was more shocking to her that I was also questioning my own sexuality at that time too. I was starting college and it was becoming more and more apparent to me that men were just...not quite as exciting as women. I remember telling her and two other (who also came screaming out of the closet that year) childhood friends that given the choice between a man and a woman the woman is always going to be more exciting and interesting to me. As the years have passed I've settled more into accepting that I'm just about 90% lesbian with the remaining 10% hetero so that nobody can call me a liar when I find any particular man attractive.

So yes, Pride was a big day for both of us. Brian too I think. Until then we had been spending more and more time on Capitol Hill and getting to know the culture and the scene. So on that day it was almost overwhelming to see so many queer people in one place. But mostly I think it was the first time the two of us felt like we weren't total freaks. There was this whole group of people that included plenty of dorky queers.

Pride is coming up again in two months and for the first time I'm living right in the middle of it. I haven't been in two years, which I feel a little bad about. Also, pride's in jeapordy these days so I feel like I have a duty to support it. I'm on the volunteer list so I'm sure I'll be passing out condoms or wearing some dorky "staff" t-shirt directing people where to go. We'll see.

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ladibug21

March 2009

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